Born today

Well today is the day of my rebirth.  I am in detox and rehab for the umpteenth time in my life, but with my 30th birthday just around the corner, I feel as though I have to get it right this time.  It's 5am and I can't sleep.  My body is so used to alcohol that I don't even know what real sleep is anymore.  I checked into the clinic yesterday and was promptly loaded up with valium after my psych assessment.  I can't help but think that part of the reason I am here is because of the demise of my engagement, also due heavily to the drinking, but the psych says I need to get sober and then deal with the underlying issues, and I tend to agree.  I was engaged for almost two years and our life was wonderful together when I wasn't drinking, but among all of the promises to stop and all of the trips to rehab, I never quite got there.  I am truly sorry for losing my partner and wish that I could promise him that I will never drink again, but I have even lost faith in myself and don't trust me when I say that.  I miss my constant canine companion, Pixel, who I live for.  I like to think of her as my emotional help dog.  My Iphone is constantly on, and I love Adele's 21 at the moment.  So many mixed emotions in the music that come with a break up, I'm loving rolling in the deep and someone like you.  I at least have another phase in my life to look forward to.  I'm doing a Masters in Social Work and am working on my second 3000 word assignment at the moment.  There's a lot of self reflection to be done by the budding social worker, and I realise that I can't carry on this addiction if I want to be a Social Worker, I need to get my shit right before I embark on the journey of helping others.  On that note I will leave this first entry to speak for itself.